Warr Guitar: What God Would Play If He Could Play Guitar

As a poor, tired man yearning to breathe free, I am in constant need of money. I have even stooped so low as to apply for a bike courier job (If you are reading this and are my mother, then you can soon stop yelling at me to both exercise and get a job)to be able to fund my extravagant lifestyle of buying totally sweet pedals on a whim and also fund my numerous shocking activities in Europe before I go with Prof. Steve Klein to Ireland and continue my shenanigans there.

Yet all that money and probably-illegal fun won't make me a better guitar player. If I was actually serious about the craft, I would have already moved on to a Warr Guitar, which is what you play when you've gotten to the point where six-strings simply aren't enough. The Warr guitar, a variation of the Chapman Stick invented by Mark Warr, basically combines a bass and a guitar into a crazy and beautiful machine that gives you limitless tone. Here's a video of the Warr guitar being used in metal, which I chose because almost all the other uses of it are in some kind of soft porno-jazz (full disclosure: my cousin is the guy playing it. Nevertheless, since he's being labeled as one of the better/best players of the instrument, I feel less like a name-dropping snob.)