Voodoo Chile As Nature Intended

This is what Voodoo Chile (Slight Return) is supposed to sound like. Perhaps there are other ways it can be played. I even heard a good version by Stevie Ray Vaughan, but this is the way it exists in nature. Anything else is probably wrong.

Warr Guitar: What God Would Play If He Could Play Guitar

As a poor, tired man yearning to breathe free, I am in constant need of money. I have even stooped so low as to apply for a bike courier job (If you are reading this and are my mother, then you can soon stop yelling at me to both exercise and get a job)to be able to fund my extravagant lifestyle of buying totally sweet pedals on a whim and also fund my numerous shocking activities in Europe before I go with Prof. Steve Klein to Ireland and continue my shenanigans there.

Yet all that money and probably-illegal fun won't make me a better guitar player. If I was actually serious about the craft, I would have already moved on to a Warr Guitar, which is what you play when you've gotten to the point where six-strings simply aren't enough. The Warr guitar, a variation of the Chapman Stick invented by Mark Warr, basically combines a bass and a guitar into a crazy and beautiful machine that gives you limitless tone. Here's a video of the Warr guitar being used in metal, which I chose because almost all the other uses of it are in some kind of soft porno-jazz (full disclosure: my cousin is the guy playing it. Nevertheless, since he's being labeled as one of the better/best players of the instrument, I feel less like a name-dropping snob.)

Update on BYOC Delay

As you may know, or don't know because I don't think I actually wrote this, I bought a BYOC Digital Delay pedal. After learning how to solder and burning my hair a few times, I managed to complete it.

The only flaw in this process is that the pedal does not work at all, probably because I didn't solder something correctly. The current problem is that the LED light doesn't turn on when I press the switch, and no sound goes through the pedal at any point. More on this when I get my dad to help me fix my crapulent soldering.

I Need This Guitar

You people on the internet are known for kindness, and as this blog has been read by someone other than myself and my professor, that pretty much makes it the most popular blog in the Northern Virginia area that I know of. You can credit that part to my not reading anything that doesn't relate to guitars, jaded-fashionistas or beautiful women whose clothes have mysteriously vanished.

Therefore, as a gesture of kindness towards myself and the NoVA music community, I need to ask all of you to help me purchase this. This is no mere guitar. This is what people who actually know how to play guitar play. Therefore, if I have one, I could theoretically stop sucking at guitar, which would benefit not only myself, but my neighbors and members of my species.

I don't have time to go on about why this guitar is great, mostly because these entries are supposed to be pretty short, but just rest assured that it's great and that any support you can give me would be great. In fact, any help for anything else would be appreciated too, but that would be getting greedy.

Slayer: Heavy Metal or Heaviest Metal?

In the past few months or so, I've been getting into metal more and more. However, the line between terrible metal and amazing metal is thinner than Louise Brooks's negligee. (if you understand the reference, you might be my hero). However, I like many before me have come to the conclusion after meticulous research that the band Slayer is the heaviest of them all. The music is just so brutal that it makes you either want to die or just punch everyone you see. This is a good thing, as much of Slayer's work is pretty awesome, particularly the album "Reign in Blood", which is widely praised as one of the greatest metal albums ever, if not the greatest. Here's a video of "Raining Blood" (possibly NSFW, definitely amazing) that defines what heavy metal is supposed to be.

Guitar Hero: Why I Hate It

Everybody knows about Guitar Hero by now. You magically play Rock anthems and solos by pushing somewhere between one and five buttons when it tells you to. Like many video games, I'm horrible at it (the only exception being Resistance, which for some reason I am good at). The game has become so popular that Guitar Hero competitions have replaced karaoke in numerous bars across the land.

Why do I hate something that encourages people to like rock music? Because I suck at it and have no hand-eye coordination. However, that's the same with many games. What sets Guitar Hero apart is that it usually has a lot of bad songs on it and has even gone so far as to lead people to think that they actually know things about guitar. I couldn't find a source for that, but I think I remember reading about it in the Washington Post.

Anyway, here's a video of a robot getting 100% on "Through the Fire and Flames" by DragonForce, which no human will ever be able to do. Enjoy

I's Cant's Reads Musics

Exactly what the title says (possibly NSFW). Reading music (or anything, for that matter) for me is the equivilant of asking a blind man to read some bizarre foreign sign language while he's being lowered into a pit of piranas who have been genetically modified to have the ability shoot flames underwater.

It's not like I haven't tried to learn this obscure talent. But getting a C- when I tried like hell has not made me very enthusiastic to try again. Besides not practicing, this is one of the major difficulties that has prevented me from being an acceptable guitar player. I've been in bands with people who were exceptionally talented at reading music, including GMU Jazz Major Charlie Himel, but unlike asbestos, it appears that I can't just breathe it in and hope for the best.

However, the ability to read music is not required for rock fame. If anything, it hurts your credibility and makes you seem like a studio dork, although that can help if you need quick money. With this upcoming recession coming up, learning music would be a good skill to have to prevent being homeless for slightly longer that I would if I couldn't read music. If you know how to read it, please tell me.

I'm Totally Clueless About Acoustic Guitars

I'm visiting a good friend of mine in Seattle this Spring Break. While we're unable to go to the beach to pick up passed-out underage blondes, this city remains pretty interesting and fun despite the cold and the rain and the constant threat of attack from Megaladons. It's good to know that yuppies on the west coast have problems too and that we've finally got some ammo against them when the next "War Between the States" starts.

However, this week is not my friends' spring break, and while she goes to classes, I wander the city and will occasionally pick up her acoustic guitar. The more I play it, the more I realize that I have no idea what separates a good acoustic guitar from something that would be better suited as kindling. I guess I've just become so dedicated to raging distortion and ear-bleeding solos that I forgot about the simple power of a hollow wooden box with a hole in it. Either that or I'm just slightly more clueless about acoustic guitars than I am about electric guitars.

Although "Grandpa's Guitars" have never really been my thing, I've started to appreciate them more as I've become an old man. And while I'm enough of a snob to recognize good brands from awful brands, I still have no idea what makes one acoustic better than another. If you know, please tell me because it's tearing me up inside. I'm losing sleep, and not just because I' doing horribly in almost every class I'm in. I feel that the sooner I can get this awsomecustic/acrapstic issue settled, the sooner I can not suck at school.